i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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