i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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