I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
