Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
