yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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