She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
