It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
