hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
