i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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