He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
