All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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