I love watching others lives come down to our level.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
