My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize