well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
