The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
