We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
