I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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