she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
