I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
