she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
