I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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