At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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