I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My ass is underappreciated
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
