We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
