Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
