I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
