I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
