You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
