Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
