no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
