you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
