new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
