her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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