I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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