Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
