So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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