whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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