i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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