btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
