if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
