I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
