Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
