In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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