I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
