i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
