the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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