for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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