I wish I could teleport
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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