I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
