i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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