And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you didnt know i had herpes?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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