You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
