I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
