He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
