Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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