I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
