dude i'm inner monologue high
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I party with great urgency now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
