So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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