I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
