i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
