what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
