My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
