i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
